


My Heart Bleeds For You

by Earth_Spirit



Category: Final Fantasy XIII, Final Fantasy XIII Series, Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Friendship, Gen, Slow Burn, Team as Family, but she kind of looks out for snow, but won't get one until later, lumina is a brat, snow needs a hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:28:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26247193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Earth_Spirit/pseuds/Earth_Spirit
Summary: He wasn’t how she remembered. His skin paler than before, his hair was a little longer and a little whiter than what she remembered. He was still tall and muscular, a presence that made people think twice, yet he was slimmer than before. Not malnourished by any means, but it was enough of a difference to make her pause. However much she tried to remember what he used to look like, she was unable to reconcile him with the wearied man before her.AU of Lightning Returns
Relationships: Hope Estheim & Snow Villiers, Lightning & Snow Villiers, Oerba Dia Vanille & Snow Villiers, Oerba Yun Fang & Snow Villiers, Sazh Katzroy & Snow
Comments: 8
Kudos: 6





	1. Returning Heroes

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'll be honest. I've only played part of the first game of this series. I know a little bit about the others(the general plot and ending to them) but not the intricate details.  
> SO, I'm throwing most of canon out of the window right out of the gate.  
> Post-Etro death, people are still growing older and they can still have children. The only person who isn't growing older is Snow. The others(Lightning, Sazh, Vanille, Fang, and Hope) are all in crystal stasis. They wake up a few weeks before the end of the world(instead of thirteen days). Snow manages to balance the Chaos by constantly absorbing it which causes him a lot of agony, coupled with the pain of his L'cie brand, he more often than not turns to drugs to numb the pain and to forget.  
> This will be a slow updating story, i need to research the other games as i go to try and tie things together but for right now i don't know where i'm really going to take this story.  
> It's mostly just Snow angst and whump.

He wasn’t how she remembered. His skin paler than before, his hair was a little longer and a little whiter than what she remembered. He was still tall and muscular, a presence that made people think twice, yet he was slimmer than before. Not malnourished by any means, but it was enough of a difference to make her pause. However much she tried to remember what he used to look like, she was unable to reconcile him with the wearied man before her.

The guards of the palace had reluctantly shown her and her friends to his room after they made quite the entrance at the palace gates. The nighttime goers were hardly bothered, their revelry had been known to get out of hand once or twice. It was enough to draw the guards’ attention. After inquiring their names, Lightning hadn’t hesitated to let them know exactly who and what she was. She immediately demanded to see Snow. 

“Whether you bring me to him or not, I will find him.” Her tone even and threatening. It wasn’t a threat but a promise. It was enough to make them reel back. 

They walked up way too many stairs to get to Snow’s room. It was obvious Snow had wanted it harder than it needed to be to get to him. To deter as many people as possible,

“Definitely going to tell the hero off when we get there. Making me walk up all these stairs. I’m getting too old for this,” Sazh complained. Fang snorted at his remarks,

“Yea, it’s almost like he knew that stairs were the bane of humanity. Get over yourself, Sazh. It’s just a few flights.”

“Oh, it’s just a few flights!” Sazh imitates Fang’s accent, quite poorly, causing a small and quiet laughing fit from both her and Vanille. 

“You’re not that old, Sazh. Besides we’re already reached the top,” Hope tried to placate his companion. Sazh couldn’t find it in himself to stay mad, so he reached over and ruffled the kid’s hair, inciting a bright smile from the kid, “I know kid, still going to make that hero pay for the unnecessary cardio workout I just got.”

Lightning observed her companions with a smile. She’d missed them, even if it was for a little bit that they were separated. Their friendly bickering sent warmth fluttering in her chest. However, there was a part missing. It was obvious that Serah left a void in her, but that wasn’t all. Snow was a part of their group and he’d been gone from their side for too long. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, he grew on her. In an annoying sort of way. Like a very determined puppy, he wormed his way into their hearts. His endless optimism was one of the reasons they held onto hope for so long. How she held onto hope.

Her smile faded and she turned to look at the door that stood between them and Snow. As they approached, the light-hearted turned sombre. They all took a moment to brace themselves. Unsure of what kind of person would be on the other side. They knew beforehand that Snow rarely showed himself nowadays, especially during the daytime. People of Yusnaan talked highly of their Patron. Their stories of him hardly seemed to line up with the Snow they knew, but they had been away for a few hundred years. 

Lightning threw the door open, before they could doubt themselves into leaving. 

They were greeted by a darker than black room. The only light was the dim light from the hallway. She turned to the guards and asked them how to turn on the lights. Nervously, they did as she asked. Like the lights in the hallway, the room was illuminated by dim lights, but thankfully they no longer had to strain their eyes to see further. 

The room itself was scarcely decorated. It had the bare minimum amount of furniture, but other than a few articles of clothing dotting about the floor, it hardly looked like anyone lived in it. It was a spacious room, enough to host a small party of its own. There was a wall of widows to the right, but heavy drapes curtained the windows, preventing light from entering. A room off to the left, which they could guess was the bathroom. And at the very center of the room was a large canopy bed. The curtains were open and on the mattress they could see a form splayed about.

Upon closer inspection, there was no doubt about the person on the bed. It was Snow. In all of his unconscious glory. 

As Lightning and the others studied their friend, there was a growing noise; footsteps marching closer and closer. They turn and there’s a disgruntled guard, a little more decorated than his fellow guardsmen. He looks between the guards and Lightning, 

“Why have you brought them here? You know not to disturb him at this hour,” he scolded before quickly addressing Lightning, “You’ll have to come back another time. Our Patron is, as you can easily see, sleeping. I must ask you to leave.”

Lightning couldn’t help herself from raising an eyebrow, “What’s wrong with him?” Deflecting the man’s speech.

“Our Patron is tired from a very long and busy day. Again, I must ask you to leave.” His mask made it hard to tell, but from his tone gaining an edge, he was getting desperate and annoyed.

“We need to talk to him, it can’t wait.”

“Surely it can. You all can come back in the morning, I can guarantee you an audience.”

“It. Can’t. Wait.”

The guardsmen and the others took a subtle step back at the tension between the two. They could assume that the man was giving Lightning an unkind glare under that mask while Lightning gave him a dead-eyed look. One that each one of them knew on a deep level. It was her default look, especially around new people.

An exasperated grumble came from the bed. They turned to see Snow shifting and reached for the blankets at his feet. An arm slid out, grasped the edge, and pulled the covers above his head.

“Go away.”

“Sire, we - I, “ the guard stammered, unsure of what to tell him.

“I told you not to disturb me, whatever it is, can’t it wait until tomorrow.” A quiet, pleading tone rumbled in Snow’s chest.

“Of course, sire.”

“Ok, then go. Please.”

“Of course.” 

And with a small bow, one that Snow obviously didn’t see, and a flick of his wrist, the man and the other guards were gone. Leave them alone in the dark room. The others waited with baited breath.

“Well, that could’ve gone smoother.”

“Thank you, Fang.”

The unimpressed look she sent Fang’s way was completely ignored with a smug smile on Fang’s face. 

During this, Vanille skipped up to the bedside with Sazh and Hope at her heels and said in a cheery and gentle voice, 

“Wake up, sleepyhead!”

There was a slight flinch at the sound of her voice that could’ve been overlooked if she wasn’t a few feet away from him. She tried not to think too much about it, but it wasn’t working out too well. Sazh and Hope got closer to her as she waited for Snow to reply. 

His words came out quiet and fragile and unexpected.

“You’re not the usual one to haunt me.”


	2. Ghosts

“Haunt you?” 

Vanille couldn’t help but cock her head to the side, thoroughly confused. She looked over her shoulder to share a look with the others. It seems, by their expressions, they’re as befuddled as she is.

“What do you mean by haunt?” Sazh asked while Fang quietly questioned, mostly to herself, “What do you mean by usual?”

Without moving from his position, Snow sluggishly flopped a hand up and down in a lazy gesture towards Vanille’s direction,

“Y’know, the others. Light, Sazh, Hope, and Fang. You were always nice, couldn’t really see you haunting anyone. So you don’t show up often.”

Vanille took a moment to think and then decided to humor her friend. She hopped onto the side of the bed and plopped herself down next to him.

“Why do we haunt you? Or, why do you think we haunt you?” She leaned forward to better hear his muffled responses.

She could hear him huff a small and bitter snort, “That’s a dumb question to ask.” 

Feeling indignant, she couldn’t help but shoot back, “Why is it dumb?” She sat up on her knees and put her arms on her hips, frowning at him.

“Normally don’t have ghosts asking why they decided to haunt me. You guys always seemed self aware. Don’t know why you’re switching it up now. Probably got bored, huh.”

She tried to let the answer sink in, but she only found herself more mystified. She looked back to Snow to see if he might have anything to say, but she could tell that he was falling back asleep. Finding his answers utterly unhelpful, she got off the bed and walked over to the others, observing the varying states of confoundment. 

Fang, almost looked unconvinced. Suspicious. Sazh was exasperated but concerned. A father down to his core. Hope looked unsure of his feelings. Concern, worry, confusion, curious. She didn’t blame him, given their particular history together, but she didn’t think Hope held that over Snow anymore. Maybe he was worried about something else.

Vanille took a quick look at Lightning. Stoic as ever, there was nothing to give away her emotions. Vanille wanted to be disappointed but relieved at the same time. Disappointed because she had hoped for Lightning to care more, but that would be unfair of her to assume that Lightning didn’t care. That’s why she was relieved because if she didn’t care, she would have walked away. She wouldn’t have bothered to find Snow at all. At first Vanille thought that it was out of obligation to her sister rather than giving any regard to Snow.

Vanille was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard Fang say flatly, 

“He has to be on something.” 

“What makes you say that?” Lightning asks, looking for possible explanations for Snow’s behavior. Being sleepy didn’t cut it.

“You know, it’s possible for someone to change, especially in five hundred years. As far as we know, that’s just who he is now.” Hope piped in. 

“Snow? Changing? It’s hard to believe that our happy-go-lucky, self proclaimed hero, changed into this...jaded and broody mess.” Fang, ever the pessimist, tried to argue against his theory. Secretly, she felt as though that there was more to the change in Snow than simply time. Something darker.

“It has been five hundred years. We have no idea what’s happened in all that time. It’s possible.” Lightning had to agree. 

She took a moment to think. Did she want to wander around town and ask around and gather information from the people or did she want to demand answers from Snow. She definitely didn’t want to wander around right now. He was right here. Besides, since when did she ever care about Snow’s demands. Lightning saw no reason to change that right now. Time to worry about that later.

Decision made, she stomped up to his bedside, shocking her teammates, and grabbed Snow roughly by the shoulders and shook him awake. His eyes snapped open and he looked wildly at her. Seeing that he was awake, she pulled him up into a sitting position and shook him again.

“Tell me what’s going on!” She ordered sternly, her fingers digging into the muscle of his shoulders. 

“Why can’t you leave me alone!” His hand captured her wrist and tore it away from him, “What do you want from me?!”

“I want answers, Snow!”

“What use do you have for my answers? You’re nothing but a ghost from my mind. You’re all dead. Yet you don’t want to stay that way. Why must you torment me every night?” With a sudden movement, Lightning was pushed away from him and she was forced to find her balance or risk falling over. She was sent reeling by his yelling. His voice was rough with emotion and from the abrupt yelling.

Nothing was making sense.

They couldn’t respond to his question. They didn’t know how and the room was shrouded with an oppressive silence. A silence ripped apart by a shrill laugh. It sent shivers down their spines and their nerves on edge.

“Talking to yourself again, Snow! I wonder what people would say about that if they knew.” This voice was laced with genuine amusement and took on a taunting edge. 

“Not you,” Snow groaned out in displeasure and flopped onto his back. Absolute dread could be heard from his voice. This new person was probably not his favorite person in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be very slow to update.  
> I don't know how to write very well and this is a very dialogue heavy chapter. Probably will expect that from most of the story.  
> Still not sure where i'm taking this story.


	3. Lumina

This has been a hell of a few days. First they wake up to find that everything has changed and the world is ending. They also find out that they’ve been in a crystal stasis for five hundred years, thank you, Hope. All of them but one. Lightning couldn’t find it in herself to be surprised. Snow had a way of getting himself involved in trouble so often that it was almost comedic. 

Out of all them, Hope has gone into stasis last. He was much older now. No longer that vengeful and scared little kid. He was an intelligent young man. Clever and inquisitive. By no means did he live hundreds of years more than them, but in his short time he managed to be an integral figure in the hearts of the people. He managed to give them hope when things seemed grim. That’s all that he could remember. Then he woke up.

Snow and Hope had ended up as older brothers to Dajh before their stasis. Before Dajh lost his soul and Sazh fell into grief. While juggling the Academy and his other endeavors, Hope would often visit to catch up and provide as a diversion for Sazh. Snow would come around more often than Hope, but he always amaze his son with wild stories, which he couldn’t be sure were true. Snow had a penchant for embellished storytelling, but Sazh couldn’t complain when he saw the look in his son’s eyes. He could hear that kid’s laugh for the rest of his life. 

When Sazh isolated himself, trying to find the pieces of Dajh’s soul, Hope and Snow dropped everything to help him. He tried to deny their help and had lashed out at them frequently, but they wouldn’t have it. Just as they found all the pieces and gave Dajh his soul back, Sazh woke up, side by side with the rest of the team.

After they gained their bearings, they headed out for answers. It didn’t take them long to figure out what was left of the world. After a couple of days, they managed to get transportation to Yusnaan, city of light and revelry. A city of people seeking to spend whatever time they have left in celebration and festivities. Simply walking around was informative enough. They heard talk of the Patron, the Order of Salvation, and the cult called the Children of Etro. They decided to take the lesser of the evils, to learn more of this Patron.

Lightning could feel part of her soul die as she asked around. Every time someone added a little bit more. Most talked about his accomplishments and the things he provided for everyone, but few knew what he looked like. It took them the better part of the day to get a full description of the Patron. That was when she felt her soul slowly wither to dust, as they reverently described her brother-in-law. Snow Villiers. 

Of course. 

Why not.

She had to take a deep breath. She could feel the others have similar experiences. She walked away from the resident with a dull “Thanks” and rejoined the rest of them.

After a short debate, they planned to get into the palace and find Snow.

They weren’t prepared for it. Nothing about him was the same and to say that they were confused was an understatement. 

So when they heard a sharp and taunting laugh, “Talking to yourself again, Snow! I wonder what people would say about that, if they knew.” and the subsequent, “Not you,” from a displeased Snow, they knew that this new person was trouble. 

They could see a little girl skipping up to Snow’s bedside. She bore a striking resemblance to Lightning and Serah. Shoulder length, light rose pink hair. While her face was that of a child, her eyes were sharp and her smile had a tinge of wickedness in it. And she was staring right at their group.

“Are the ghosts back or is it the drugs messing with you?” She was right by his head, elbows on the bed.

“Go away, Lumina,” Snow grumbled out.

“Aw, I’m starting to think you don’t like my company. Not that you get much of it anyways. I always thought that I was leagues above your ghosts.”

“I never wanted your company,” he spat. Her grin grew wider, “What do you want then?” She leaned a little closer to him.

“Some fucking peace and quiet for once.”

“Are you sure? Wouldn’t want to leave you alone with those dark thoughts of yours,” she said cheerfully, tapping the top of his head with her finger.

With a short series of incoherent noises, he sat up and pushed her out of his space, then stumbled out of bed. He beelined it to the door of his room, ignoring the others, and the door slammed open, alarming the guards outside.

They could hear the voices on the other side, 

“Patron!”

“Sir!”

Snow stood in the doorway with his arms braced on each side of the frame, they could hear his firm voice, 

“I can’t sleep.”

“Understood sir. I’ll be right back.”

With a quick salute, the guard hurried down the hall. Snow, head lower than usual, walked back to bed. They could tell he was trying to ignore everything in the room, it was hard since the biggest thorn in his side was jumping up and down on his bed. As he reached his destination, she stopped. 

“Aw, is the baby having troubles sleeping, would a bedtime story help?” she mocked.

He grabbed the corner of the blanket and with a sweeping motion, pulled it out from under her. As surprised as she was, she recovered easily enough. As Lumina fell backwards, she brought her legs over her head, slid her arms by her head and pushed off, backwards rolling off the bed. She landed gracefully and stuck her arms out like a ‘T’. She was laughing, obviously delighted by his reaction. They watched him completely disregard her and climb back into bed.

Just as he did, the guard came back with something in his hands. He walked hurriedly towards Snow, who stuck out a bare arm. 

They quickly realised what was about to happen.

In the man’s hands was a syringe filled with an unknown substance, unmistakably a sleep aid. He quickly injected Snow with practiced movements. 

“Make sure she doesn’t do something wild,” Snow said quietly, but it was loud enough for everyone to barely hear. Lumina huffed out, pouting.

“Of course, though I doubt she will. She gets bored when she can’t bother you,” the guard said, even quieter. Making sure his patron was the only one to hear.

“I’m sure.” he slurred out.

Within seconds, Snow was unconscious. Leaving them alone with each other. Lumina smirked at them as they stood there. Nothing was said and she started to giggle softly, relishing their discomfort of her. 

“I told you he was one something,” Fang announced.

“That was a lucky guess and you know it,” Sazh retorted.

As they bickered, Lightning couldn’t help but find herself disconcerted by the presence of Lumina. She couldn’t force herself to look away. Lumina, perhaps sensing this, laughed again. 

“Nice to meet the ghosts finally!” She put emphasis on ‘ghosts’ that they could hear the quotation marks.

“If you both,” pointing to both Lumina and the guard, “can see us, then why did you make Snow believe that we weren’t here?” Lightning questioned.

“Gosh, you’re dense. Snow hallucinates you people all the time. You mock him and you torment him. To him, that’s all you are. Ghosts and nightmares. He conjures you from his own subconscious to punish himself,” she explained, “Besides, even if we tried to convince him you were real, he’s hallucinated us before too. His mind plays tricks on him. He doesn’t trust that we’re even real half of the time. It’s pretty pathetic, really.”

“If you people need to talk, please do so outside. You’ve disturbed the Patron enough. I must ask you to leave or I will be forced to make you leave.” The guard by Snow’s beside politely commanded. 

“Fine. You guys are no fun anyways,” conceded Lumina.

Instead of a verbal reply, Lightning turned around and left the room with the others following behind her. As she traversed down the stairs, she was attempting to reign in her frustrations and impatience. She wanted answers. 

Hopefully this girl, Lumina, offered something useful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, would you look at that. Another chapter and it didn't take me months to procrastinate.


	4. It Has Been A Long Day

Turns out, Lumina had nothing beneficial to say. In fact, she said nothing to them. 

She was skipping ahead of them, completely unconcerned by the sentry guards stationed throughout the hallway. They headed down a couple flights of stairs and came back into the rotunda and sauntered through the partygoers.

It was a chaotic gathering of warm bodies and addled minds. The color changing and strobing lights were casting shadows in every direction, warping their perception of the small girl. Lightning did her best to keep a focused eye on her, but it wasn’t enough. In a blink, Lumina was gone. Lightning stopped, causing one of the others to bump into her back, though it hardly moved her. She looked around for a pink head, but she saw nothing.

“Great, you lost her.”

Lightning looked around at the inebriated citizens in strobing lighting, frustration returning to her. 

She dully registered her companions conversing behind her, their voices getting lost in the cacophony. Her own thoughts were getting drowned in all the noise. It was probably in her best interest to leave the palace and clear her head.

That is exactly what she did.

She made an aborted gesture to her friends to follow her. Hope and Vanille caught on quick and moved at their own pace and actually got ahead of her. Lightning wouldn’t be surprised if they had enough of the din of the ravers. Lightning was aware of Fang and Sazh lagging behind due to their squabble. Oh well, they’d realize soon enough that they were being left behind.

Quickly enough, they made it outside to fresh air and silence.

As they waited for those two to catch up, Lightning looked at the youngest of the group. Hope was looking right back at her, a serious expression set upon his face,

“Now what?”

“I’m not sure, Hope. The best thing for us to do is to find shelter and some food. We’re not going to get anywhere tonight. We’ll wait for tomorrow to start asking around town and figure out as much as we can.”

“What about Snow?”

“He’ll survive without us, if this night has shown us anything. Hopefully the next time we catch him, he’ll be lucid.”

“If you can call that surviving.” 

Hope and Lightning looked back and saw Fang and Sazh approaching, obviously catching the last of their conversation. Fang had a knack for sounding sarcastically apathetic. If she didn’t know her better, she would have believed that Fang didn’t care at all about Snow, or anyone else for that matter. 

Vanille, ever the carer, seemed a little upset at Fang’s retort.

“That’s a mean thing to say! We don’t know what he’s been through. Maybe he just had an off day.” 

It was a thought, but not even Vanille seemed to believe what she said.

“Looks to me like he was running away.”

Hope crossed his arms and stood a little closer to Vanille, a sign of support,

“Vanille’s right, Fang. We’ve been away for hundreds of years, we have no right to judge him.”

“I’m still going to do it and so are you. We all thought of something when we saw him. It’s just what people do. It’s easy to say to never judge a book by its cover, but it’s never easy to do.”

Sazh and Lightning were on the sidelines, letting them argue, to get their feelings out. However, they both realized that they’re not going to get anywhere. Hope and Fang were stubborn in their ideals, though the same could be said for everyone in the group, but Hope and Fang tended to argue more often than not. Sometimes letting them argue worked, the rest of the time it didn’t. They would just get more angry with each other. This is one of those times. Sazh let out a sigh and walked up to the two and got right in the middle of them, 

“Alright, that’s enough. It’s been a long day and we’re all frustrated and confused, so I say we find some food and get some rest. We’ve been travelling for days, it’s best for us to get some sleep and get our heads back on straight.”

“We  _ have _ been travelling for days and the one guy who could’ve helped us is off his rocker and thinks we’re a figment of his imagination. I’d say I’m past frustration.”

“FANG!” Lightning ended up yelling, glaring at her companion who glared right back, “That’s enough. We’re all tired. We’ll get food and rest. Tomorrow we’ll ask around and then once we calm down, we find Snow again.”

Fang let out a huff. She wanted to stay angry, but one look at Vanille’s face made her feel some amount of guilt. Even Fang could understand that yelling and getting stressed out was unnecessary. Besides, the thought of a full belly and an entire night of sleep was a good distraction. She gave Vanille an apologetic face and then gave a silent nod. 

“Let’s go then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, look at that. A chapter.  
> Not sure if it's worth it to finish this story, but i will eventually and hopefully someone enjoys it enough.  
> Until next chapter.


End file.
